The Others, Infidelity: The Emotional Journey

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Face the lies, porn use, infidelity and emotional abuse - Anne Blythe

And while it may be hard to imagine, some people who choose to have affairs also experience a range of negative emotions themselves such as guilt, shame, sadness, depression, or frustration. It may sound harsh, but some people have emotional affairs because they can and want to. Some people who cheat on their partners do so because they are missing something from their primary relationship.

In some instances this is physical, but it can also be emotional. As such, it would be hard to resist the positive feedback of a friend or coworker. This may also lead to the development of deeper feelings, or attraction, leading to an ongoing emotional affair.


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Sometimes people who have affairs might also have poor impulse control and emotional regulation. That is, they may be subjected to the same temptations that we all experience with other potential partners, but have a much harder time controlling their feelings for someone, more likely to act on those feelings, and more easily fall into destructive behavior.

This is also true for emotional affairs where boundaries are ignored or crossed routinely for the sake of a new, exciting connection.

Discovering and defining

This is undoubtedly a difficult process and it might be helpful to consult a therapist for support. A therapist will help you sort through the complicated emotional situation and help you craft a plan for extraction.

In some instances, it might also be a place to explore talking to your partner about the infidelity and identify other steps forward. If you are the partner of someone who has been cheated on, the path forward can be difficult. Many report a loss of self-esteem , anger or rage, and depression.

An Affair: ‘The Beginning of the End’

Deciding what next steps to take is incredibly difficult and your position may change day-by-day or moment-by-moment. I wanted my son, who was then 2 years old, to have a father in his life. But I also knew that if we were going to stay together, we had to go to couples counseling.

Everybody should be allowed to make mistakes and learn from them.

An Affair: 'The Beginning of the End' - Focus on the Family

We learned how to talk to each other and really listen. Working through the affair made us stronger. As happened with my friend, most affairs result from dissatisfaction with the marital relationship, fueled by temptation and opportunity.

Healthy Relationship Library

Often betrayed partners were unaware of what was lacking in the relationship and did not suspect that trouble was brewing. But short of irreversible incompatibility or physical or emotional abuse, with professional counseling and a mutual willingness to preserve the marriage, therapists maintain that couples stand a good chance of overcoming the trauma of infidelity and avoiding what is often the more painful trauma of divorce.

Weiner-Davis readily admits that recovering from infidelity is hard work and the process cannot be rushed. Rather than destroying the marriage, the affair acted as a catalyst for positive changes, Ms.

Weiner-Davis maintains. In her new book, she outlines tasks for both the betrayed spouse and the unfaithful one that can help them better understand and meet the emotional and physical needs of their partners.

After the Affair – How to Forgive, and Heal a Relationship From Infidelity

Both she and Ms. It is important to find a therapist who can help the couple weather the many ups and downs that are likely to occur in working through the issues that lead to infidelity, Ms. Weiner-Davis said.

She suggested that in selecting a therapist, couples ask if the therapist has any training and experience in treating infidelity and how successful the therapist has been in helping marriages heal.